


Batfamily Picnic

by Purrplegal98



Series: Batfam AU [1]
Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purrplegal98/pseuds/Purrplegal98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Silly story I found in my hard drive. Hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Batfamily Picnic

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Alfred?” asked Damian, “I mean, most of these people dislike each other. Tim’s got a problem with Dick for making me Robin; Jason hits on Tim’s girlfriend; Dick dislikes Batman for ‘being an obsessed control freak’,” he said, ticking each point out on his fingers, “And the last time we had a picnic, Ace and Titus stole all the food, and Catwoman and my mother nearly fought to the death over Bruce.”

  
“Yes, but it has been so long,” said Alfred, “And I have not seen Master Tim since he set out to prove Master Bruce was still alive.” He gathered up Damian’s homework. “It could be so pleasant-”

  
“-And such a bad idea!” Damian cut in. He took his homework from Alfred, and stuffed it is his backpack. “Look, if I can get them all to agree, ALL of them, then you can plan the Bat Family picnic. Just don’t tell Bruce.”

“Yes, Master Damian,” said Alfred politely, “I’ll go locate my egg salad recipe.” He walked out of Damian’s room, closing the door softly.

As soon as he left, Damian collapsed on his bed. “How the hell am I going to get every to agree to come?” He asked himself. “Mother’ll come just to see Bruce. I can probably blackmail Catwoman to attending.” He looked at the canopy of his bed. _But everyone else? Maybe if I begged, that’ll get Tim at least. Jason will try to kill me for suggesting he’d go willingly to something like this. Hey, wait a minute! I did say “willingly”. Batgirl will agree, and hopefully bring cookies. Blackbat, if I can find her, maybe. Nightwing might come, if he’s not too busy with the Blüdhaven Police. He sat up, and began making a list of all this. After all, he DID promise Alfred. I can sweet talk Oracle the same time I ask Stephanie._

  
Satisfied, Damian looked at his list. That just left out one man; Bruce Wayne, the Batman, the one who started it all. I’ll handle Father last. He decided.

 

[break]

**TWO DAYS LATER**

 

“Why would I want to come to another family picnic?” asked Tim. He removed his cowl, and looked down at Damian, “Even it was just the Robins. But you said you invited Catwoman and your mother. I’d rather not be near those two when they’re in 50 yards of each other.”

“Me too, but it was Alfred’s idea,” said Damian, “As I’ve said twice already.”

  
“That doesn’t make it a good idea.” Tim responded. He looked around the Cave. “I haven’t been here in a while.” he muttered. He rubbed his hands over his arms. “I’d forgotten how cold it gets in here.”

“So come back. Alfred misses you.” said Damian, “Besides, I’m inviting Stephanie.”

Tim turned to look at him, and raised his eyebrow. “Bribery is highly frowned upon.” He pointed out, “Something you, of all people, should know.”  
“I also need your help to get Bruce to show up.” said Damian. Tim ignored him, and began removing his gauntlets. “Please, Tim?”

“Fine. But only if you get Steph.” said Tim. “One more thing. I get to help knock Jason out.”

“I never said anything about that.” Damian said innocently. He twiddled his thumbs. Maybe Tim is coming after all…

“Like Jason’d want to come. He’s got it coming,” said Tim, “He nearly killed me in Titans Tower when he decided to announce he was alive.”

“See you then.” said Damian. He walked off, not noticing Tim had rolled his eyes at him.

**Red Robin: CHECK.**

**[break]**

**ONE WEEK LATER**

 

“A family picnic? Uh, Damian, do you have a concussion?” asked Nightwing. He put his hand on Damian’s hand. “No fever. I guess you hit your head really hard, then. Or did Ivy drug you?” They were standing on the top of Dick’s house in downtown Blüdhaven, and Damian had been right about Dick’s reaction.

“No, no, and definatly not. Poison Ivy has not escaped in almost a year. Anyway, it was Alfred’s idea,” protested Damian. He removed Nightwing’s hand. “Besides, I invited Barbara. Tim already agreed, too.” The night was cool, but it was far from peaceful. Even near the police headquarters, you could hear the screams. Blüdhaven was one of the worst cities in the country. It had Gotham beaten by a landslide. It also stank. A lot.

“Besides, you were the first Robin, and if I say you’ll come, I’ll get more people. Plus, I’m going to have to knock Jason out to get him to come, and I’d need your help to do that.” Damian argued. “And if all of the Robins, well, besides Jason, ask, maybe we can get Bruce to come.”

“Well, Jaybird has got it coming…” Nightwing replied thoughtfully, “And I guess the ‘Haven can’t really get that much worst in a week… Fine, I’ll come, as long as I’m there when you tell Bruce your brilliant idea. I’d love to see the look on his face.” He waved, and back flipped off the building, the blue wing on his chest the only thing showing up in the darkness. Then it was gone.

“Show off,” muttered Damian. It wasn’t fair he couldn’t do a back flip to save his life. And someday that might be a very bad thing. He turned, and jumped off the building. He landed on his feet, with one hand on the ground to help absorb the impact. He walked to his motorcycle, and drove back towards Gotham. Good thing Bruce was in Europe again for some stupid business meeting. Otherwise he’d have a lot of questions to answer.

 

**Nightwing: Check**

**[Break]**

**LATER THAT NIGHT**

 

“Please, Mother?” begged Damian, “You haven’t visited in a year! I miss you, and so does Bruce.” He was on the phone talking to his mother. Who knew Bruce had kept her phone number for years?

“I will not come to a family picnic.” said Talia al Ghul primly. “It is a stupid tradition.” He rolled his eyes. Because you’ve never gone along with Grandfather’s ‘stupid traditions’ before.

“You never visit.” Damian pointed out instead, “You have never been to Gotham in years.” There was a long pause, and Damian crossed his fingers. Maybe, just maybe.“Very well. I will come. Since I have missed so much of your life lately.” she said. “My beloved really misses me?”

“He says there is no one quite like you.” Damian assured her. It was the truth. Bruce had said that. He hadn’t meant it as a compliment, but honesty was the best policy, and what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her… Much.

“When is this… picnic…. scheduled?” She asked.

“In two months, on Bruce’s birthday.” he replied. After several minutes of useless chitchat-Yes, school was fine. It was still fun being Robin, he DID miss her, he had learned much about combat from his various tutors, ect-, he hung up.

Ok, that was too easy. What was going on?

Oh well.

 

**Talia al Ghul: Check.**

 

**[break]**

 

**NEXT NIGHT**

 

“Oracle, I’ve got a favor to ask.” Damian said. He stood awkwardly. Oracle turned her wheelchair away from the computer and stopped typing. She raised an eyebrow. He gulped.

“Ask away, Robin.” she said. “And sit down. I really hate looking up a people.”

He sat. “Uh, Alfred had this idea about a Bat Family picnic, and he wanted to invite you, and Nightwing, and Red Robin, and Red Hood, and Batgirl, and Blackbat, and our whole family, and I want to know if you can come.” Great job, a run on sentence. He mentally smacked his forehead. Repeatedly.

“Why wouldn’t we go?” asked Oracle. “I’d be delighted to come.” She returned to typing.

“’Wing said he’d come.” Damian blurted out. What was it about Oracle that made him want to reveal all his secrets? One day she’d have teach him how to do that without even looking at people.

“Of course he did. He told me yesterday.” said Oracle calmly. “I also know that you invited Talia al Ghul. I erased the conversation from the phone logs. Good thing too. Bruce goes over them.” She resumed typing at the speed of light again.

Damian sighed. “And so do you.”

“Yes.” she replied. And that was the end of the conversation.

 

**Oracle: Check. Kind of.**

**[Break]**

**TWO NIGHTS LATER**

 

“Cass, I came all the way to Hong Kong to talk to you. The least you can do is pretend to be interested in this,” He sighed, “So, will you please come?”

“No.” said Cassandra Cain stubbornly. “I refuse to go all the way to Gotham for something so stupid.” She began taping up her wrist, slowly and efficiently.

“You sound like my mother.” muttered Damian. He kicked a rock. “As ‘Wing said, the city’s not going to get any worse in a week.”

“No.”  
 

Damian switched tactics, and said “Cassandra, you where adopted by Batman, and you refuse to come to his birthday party.” He paused. “Well, his non-playboy birthday party, anyway. Not even I’m going to his fancy party, no matter what he says, or bribes me with.”

“Will not work.” She said. “Not changing mind.” She put on the rest of her costume, and began to stretch.

“I could knock you out.” said Damian.

In a flash he was pinned to the ground, face first. He tried to get up, but Batman’s training, Jason’s street fighting training, and all his old assassin tricks all failed him.

“Learned to fight before talking. Able to see your moves before you think of them. Good luck.” She whispered in his ear.

“Please let me up?” He asked softly. He really hated being face down in the dirt. He hated it even more than having to ask for something politely.

“Because you ask politely.” She let him up, and resumed her stretching.

“Fine. You’re gonna be the only one not there. What’s Bruce gonna think then? Did you even send him a tie last year?” said Damian. He knew that guilt tripping was a very dangerous idea, but he was running out things to get her to come.

“Stopped sending ties. He said he hate.” Cass paused, and admired her work. “No idea for presents. Will come. One condition.”  
Damian tensed. What would she ask him to do or give?

“Never ask favor again.” She paused, “You owe. Big.” Cassandra pulled her mask on.

“….Ok, then.” said Damian. “See you in a month.”

“Bye.” Was her only response. Then she was gone, just like a true bat.

He walked back to the transport pad. He’d told Bruce he needed Cass’s help on a case. He just didn’t specify what kind of case, and why she was the only one who could help him, but he had been transported by the League because he’d done a good impression of the Batglare.

 

**Blackbat: Check. If she didn’t cripple him for it.**

**[Break]**

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

 

“Catwoman, you do realize how predictable this was, right?” Robin said. He dodged her whip.  
They were in the Gotham City Theatre. It was hosting the Cats tour, which had the props from the first ever production of Cats back in 1981. It had been on Bruce’s watch list for months.

“I just couldn’t resist.” Catwoman replied. “It was too tempting to ‘help myself’.” Damian threw his birdarang at her whip, slicing the leather off the handle. Catwoman growled. “Give it up, Robin. Most of the time, Batman can’t catch me. And cats eat birds.”

“Right now, I’d like a deal.” He replied. He was following Bruce’s guidelines to making deals with criminals: Dangle a “carrot”; let them ask the questions; tell the deal, making sure they like it, but it benefits you; never give away more than you have to; and if they try to make an offer that suits them, drop the subject, and capture the criminal anyway.

“A deal?” She said, “What kind of deal?” Robin smirked. Curiosity killed the cat. Again.

“The cameras are off. If you leave WITHOUT the props, and agree go to Bruce’s private party on his birthday at the Manor, I’ll pretend I didn’t see you here.” He grabbed his bola. “The alternative is prison. Again. Maybe you’ll actually serve your, what is it by now, fifty years of prison for breaking and entering, theft, forced entry, and evading justice. Of course, you’re probably guilty of much more, that’s just the stuff off the top of my head.”

“You learned from the best, Demon-child. I’ll go to the stupid party.” Catwoman put her arm on the floor. Her cat, Isis, climbed up her arm. “See you then.” She extended her costume’s claws, and climbed the wall.

**Catwoman: Check.**

**So what that he’d broken the law to get her to come? Being a vigilante is techniclly illegal anyway.**

 

**[break]**

 

**ONE WEEK LATER**

 

“Hey Steph, can you come to Bruce’s Batfamily picnic?” asked Damian. It was nice to not be asking in his costume. Stephanie had stopped by the manor, and was sitting in the living room. Bruce, well currently Batman, was still in the Cave, sorting out the virus that was plaguing the house’s cameras. He had done a good job with that one, it wouldn’t be undone anytime soon.

“Tim already invited me,” She replied. “I said yes, and I told him I’d bring snickerdoodles.” Stephanie laughed. “Everyone loves my snickerdoodles.”

“Oh. Ok then. Did he invite anyone else?” He asked, feeling slightly confused. On an unrelated note, everyone did love her snickerdoodles, and that helped convince him she meant it. Stephanie never offered to make cookies without a very good reason, considering Jason had once asked her if she spiked them, because they were so addictive.

“I don’t think so.” Batgirl stood up, and walked out of the room. “I really want to have some foods now. Thanks for inviting me,” she called over her shoulder.

“You’re welcome. Bye.” Damian said, feeling slightly confused. He sat by fire, in Bruce’s favorite chair, wondering what the hell was going on. This was just getting to easy.

**Batgirl: check. As expected.**

_That’s everyone but Jason and Father._

**[break]**

_**A/N: Part ½. Second part is the really fun one! Promise I’ll update everything else soon.** _


End file.
